A Time For Change

How I’ve finally chosen to lose the weight that has been eating at me for years

Food and eating had never been a problem for me.

I could eat anything and not gain an ounce of weight.

I went years and years thinking this would never change.

I had a child when I was young and after she was born my figure bounced back to its former self. I was 5'2" and weighed 100 lbs. for years.

Nothing ever changed which was fine by me.

Later, when I was forty-four I had twin boys.

I had gained about fifty pounds while pregnant with them. It came off slowly but it did come off.

When they were five I weighed about 115 lbs. and still looked good. I was still able to eat anything I wanted. I also got a lot of exercise playing with the boys and running after and keeping up with them. That took a lot of energy and when I was tired I would eat to keep my energy up.

I did most of the work raising the boys as their father was ill. After he passed away when they were eleven, I was now doing all the work to keep us alive.

Around the time I turned fifty-five I had started gaining weight. My top weight was 150 lbs. That depressed me and it became harder to get rid of because I hated exercising in any way.

I guess weight gain comes with age and menopause, changes in hormones, etc. The boys were eleven or twelve and the first signs of puberty started to show.

Yes, I was going through menopause and they were going through puberty. What a hell of a mess that was!

Pushing onward I was cooking for boys with unending appetites and hollow legs. That didn’t help me any. I ate what they ate. I worked full-time, took care of everything and tried to keep them in school, safe and sane.

Thank goodness I did not gain any more weight and decided I did not like it at all. Then, I broke one of my back teeth. It took me a week or so to get to the dentist. During that week I could not eat much especially anything that crunched, so I mostly ate yogurt, scrambled eggs, and food I didn’t have to chew.

After the dentist appointment I still couldn’t eat anything for about a week or so. Out of the blue one day, I checked the scale. I had not lost a pound. That was about two weeks in total I had not had anything of substance to eat, I was the same weight and that bothered me.

I put it aside as I had too much to do to think about it right now.

Life went on, I broke another back tooth. It gave me so much pain one night I went to the emergency care on-call clinic. What scared me more than the tooth was the shooting pain I was getting in my jaw and down my neck. I thought I was having a heart attack.

I wasn’t, but they sent me to the hospital anyway because my blood pressure was sky-high. The in-take nurse made me feel very guilty about not taking better care of myself. She made me cry actually.

I spent the night there asking a close friend to watch the boys for me until I got home. Most of the time, I sat hooked up to a machine all that afternoon until I was taken to a room for the night.They wouldn’t let me go home and had decided that I needed a stress test. The test could not be performed until the next day, in the middle of the day, which meant no water or food.

I was miserable. I had all these leads on me and couldn’t bathe either.

When they were ready to have the stress test done I decided I did not want to run on the treadmill because I thought it would be too hard. I decided to take the drugs instead.

What a huge mistake!

After it was over I was violently sick with nausea and vomiting from the drugs they gave me. Next time I do a stress test I will be running on the treadmill. No drugs, thanks!

There was no sign of any heart trouble, and I was able to leave, but had to wait for someone to pick me up as they wouldn’t even let me drive to the hospital. To me this all sounded plotted and contrived to feed customers to hospitals to make money.

I was not sick, my heart was sound. All they had to do at the clinic was give me some blood pressure medicine, send me on my way and recommend me to a good dentist. The whole situation before insurance was $10,000. After insurance, which paid for most, I still had to pay and pay for individual doctors, procedures, etc. I felt used and violated.

Such a contrived system we have, but that is another story.

By age 65 I was around 146 to 150, then I met someone and my weight plummeted to 135. How? I don’t know. I had lost ten pounds in a matter a month. I don’t remember changing my diet or anything. I have kept it off for about a year now, but noticed it slowly creeping on again.

Now I have to do the work of keeping it off. I still have my friend, but I have gotten lazy.

I know that I eat too much salt, sugar, butter or margarine, pasta, rice, bread, pastries, ice cream, cheeses, meat, chicken, pork.

I don’t eat enough fish or vegetables.

I have been like an addict — eating, eating, eating.

I wasn’t eating when I was hungry, I was eating because I was bored and had a habit.

A Time for Change

The other day I saw this diet on-line, “Beat Belly-Fat with this DeTox Soup”. I was determined to do something about the extra weight as I wanted to look better in my clothes and look better for my boyfriend.

Sounded easy and good to me.

It’s homemade vegetable soup with no salt or meat. You eat it three times a day. The first day was good — I was able to do it. The second day was tolerable but I started to feel light-headed so I made a tuna salad, with Extra Virgin Oil, fresh cilantro and lime juice and I felt better. That was at noon and it kept me satisfied until around 6:00 pm and then soup again.

For the first couple of days I had to stop my hands from reaching for items in the fridge that were not on my diet. They were headed for my mouth of their own accord.

You have to use mindfulness when you eat.

Third day, I was ravenous, but stuck to the soup and added a small square of hamburger. I felt good after that.

The next day I added two scrambled eggs, no salt and ate a whole avocado with olive oil and cilantro and continued my soup in the evening. The next day I did the same thing.

This was not easy, however if you are determined you can do it.

I am going to do this for twenty-one days. I will let you know the outcome. I know one thing, I can actually taste the food instead of all the garnishes.

I was feeling guilty that I was eating so much and not taking good care of myself.

Addictions are probably similar.

I knew I was eating too much salt and sugar and the pounds were climbing back on to 140 or more.

I said, “NO!”, time to change this habit.

You can break habits and it is up to you to do it.

Nothing changes if you don’t change it.

To be continued…

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Writing on Medium since 2018. Writer for Crow’s Feet, Family and Children, Illumination, About Me and others.I write about a myriad of subjects with you in mind

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Jo Ann Harris

Jo Ann Harris

Writing on Medium since 2018. Writer for Crow’s Feet, Family and Children, Illumination, About Me and others.I write about a myriad of subjects with you in mind

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